so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
