Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She bit a glass in half.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
