Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
