Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
