she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
