im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
