i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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