You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
