why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
