I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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