he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
