we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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