Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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