I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
