i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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