I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
