dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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