using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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