I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You are the jesus of drinking
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
