oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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