Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
