Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
