Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
