im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
