things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
