just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
