The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
