i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
