Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
operation have a gay friend backfired
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Randomize
