I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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