Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
