When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
