D3 body, D1 cock
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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