Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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