i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
