Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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