I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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