I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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