so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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