I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
