So gin and wine won't be happening again
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
