Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
