It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
