My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
