Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
