She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
