Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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