she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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