We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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