I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
