you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
